Always On Your Side

It has been an interesting week. I began substitute teaching in Fairfax County, had Grey's Anatomy night with Julie, and its finally beginning to sink in that I am here... back on the east coast. Back in the place I ran from full speed only three and half years ago.

God sure does have a sense of humor.

The best I can do is take it one day at a time. Thomas is being more than loving and patient with his fiance who seems to be on her own personal amusement park ride. I know God is going to use this time to grow me, to grow Thomas... to grow us together but it doesn't mean it is easy.

I have to keep reminding myself that though this is painful and difficult, so is most change... and I am safe here in the center of Gods Will for my life. The only thing I am sure of is that I am supposed to be here... I have no clue about the rest. It seems that guiding voice from heaven, that boomed most of my life and gave me clear cut direction and goals, has been very quiet and still lately. Allowing me to become uncomfortable in my own skin and with my own uncertainty. I don't have a plan in all honesty. I know I want to be here, that I am called to this place, that I am called to be Thomas Wear's wife, that he is called to serve me and love me... but everything else is a mystery to me. So here I am waiting on the Lord... and not always gracefully. I often find myself acting like a spoiled child not getting her way, throwing tantrums, whining and complaining about the difficulties that lay in front of me... instead of looking up and seeing the abundance and blessings being put in my very own hands. Its funny how sometimes we cant see past our selves. So God has to refine us and put us through the fire to make us pure and beautiful.




In other news: It is nice to have weekends free, not have to do homework, go out dancing as a couple, and just hang out on nights like tonight - renting movies making dinner and eating my new favorite ice cream: Half Baked by Ben and Jerry's... AH-MAZE-ING!

I can't go with you and stay where I am... So you move me.

It has been an interesting week to say the least. I moved into the Rose's home last Saturday, and have been readjusting and getting to know the area of Falls Church ever since. Thomas is back to working at the office, but luckily my dear friend Rowdy came to town to keep me company. The traffic here is awful, and I have kidnapped Thomas' GPS so I can learn to navigate the roads, and confusing intersections (including one called seven corners... it is 7 roads that intersect, I am not exaggerating).

So the big question: How is it being close to one another and NOT doing long distance? It is wonderful, but like everything in life it comes with a new set of challenges. I am on the job hunt, still haven't started substitute teaching yet, and Thomas works everyday like a normal person. So making time for one another, and also figuring out each others routines has been a new experience for the both of us. We also both cope with all this change in very different ways, so that in itself has been a learning experience. 

Thomas has had to put up with a lot from me lately, I am moody and cranky because I am, for the most part, out of my comfort zone here. I grew accustom to the Nashville way of life, my schedule, my friends, and most of all being single and not having to answer to anyone. Even in a long distance relationship you SCHEDULE your partner into long weekends, or trips taken together and still are able to maintain a level of freedom you enjoyed as a "single" person. Long- distance relationships are the loop-hole that allow people in relationships to still feel single.  For two very strong willed, independent people that we are, we are quickly having to learn patience and selflessness. I seem to be having to learn these lessons the hard way, and need them the most. After all, I have always preferred being a soloist in all areas of my life; my favorite sport was figure skating because I was the center of attention and only had to rely on myself,  my strengths and weaknesses. I never joined a band, never co-wrote and preferred to play most of my gigs with just my voice and my musical abilities on a guitar because I didn't want to depend on anyone else's talents or flaws. The list goes on. Those days are long gone, and for good reason... because that is not the way we are meant to function and to love. 

God is teaching me so much about love, forgiveness and grace... and sometimes he has to drag me kicking and screaming. So far it has been fun, but also agonizing because of the vulnerable place I find myself at. The place that exposes my greatest flaws to the person who I love the most, and I want him to see me as beautifully and as wonderfully as I see him. So this is love, this is grace, this is life. Everyday we have to start over and try to do better and love one another better than we did the day before, and when we let the other person down we have to confess that and ask for their forgiveness and try again. We don't always get it right the first, second or third time, but we can only hope that we have it in us to keep trying and keep improving and continue to build one another up in love and in God's grace and promises. That is all we can do. 

Something out of a movie.

First Date: July 10, 2008 

If someone had told me May of last year that I was going to meet my future husband, and be engaged by years end I would have laughed in their face and called the local loony bin to pick up the offender. After that Spring semester in 2008, I returned home briefly for a two week summer break before enduring summer school. I had decided to do this, on impulse, in order to graduate a semester early in the coming Fall. I felt it was a long shot, but I went for it (against the advisement of several faculty and staff at my university). Being home in May was depressing, I attended family events solo while my sister, brother, and cousin all had their special someone with them. The next single lady was my 13 year old sister, and all the younger kid cousins. It was more painful than usual, but I was also more accepting of it than usual also. I would have rather been there alone than with the wrong person. 

Rewind to July 4, 2007 

I had just returned to Maryland for two months before going to study abroad in Florence, Italy. My sister Libby invited me to attend a big forth of July cookout party, at her boy-friends house. Being the older sister, not wanted to feel like the third wheel, I declined. She then proceeded to call me from the party and inform me that there was a very cute gentleman there who wanted to meet me. Some of the older woman at the party were talking me up to him, showing him pictures, etc. He was intrigued and told Libby to call me. Again I declined, this time not wanted to seem desperate. Not to mention on the way home from Tennessee Dad and I had purchased over 200 dollars worth of fireworks. Libby insisted that I meet them at the water for the fireworks in Annapolis and I said I would consider it. 

That night Thomas and I did not end up meeting do to my stubborn ways, but also because I believe it was not the Lords timing for us yet. 

Fast forward to June 17, 2008: 

On a complete whim I "friend request" Thomas via Facebook. The same day he messages me. This first message sparks messages back and forth for several days till he finally calls me. We learned through our conversations that we had common circles of friends, grew up right around the corner from one another, and that perhaps everyone the previous July was right... we would be perfect for one another. 

July 10, 2008: First Meeting 

I flew into BWI. 

Get on the Metro, orange line from New Carrolton to Vienna. 

1 hour later... I walked off and finally met Thomas C. Wear face to face. 

The best way to describe our meeting is that it was as if we weren't meeting for the first time at all, but it felt as though we had just been apart for a very long time. Everything felt natural and comfortable. We held hands immediately and my stomach did flips. We prayed before we got in the car on the way to dinner. We couldn't keep our eyes off each other. Conversation was as easing as breathing in and out. Hugging him gave me the greatest comfort and peace... something just fit. The only thing I was taken aback by was the speed of it all. After an amazing Thai dinner, and going to Jammin Java to see Brendan James perform along with Jason Reeves, we stayed overnight at Thomas' mentors home. That night in the kitchen he told me that the next girl he kissed would be his wife, and that is why he wouldn't kiss me. He wanted the kiss to mean I love you, and wanted to wait until we knew that was were it was going. I respected that, and in fact was relieved because I felt the same way. Both of us were simply exhausted from our hearts being dragged around in the mud, and we weren't just looking for temporary stand-ins, but the real thing. 

July 11: First Kiss 

Well the very next day he kissed me. ha! 

It was so unexpected. 

We met up in Georgetown and Thomas took me to the most amazing Italian restaurant since we both had lived in Italy. 

The food was out of this world, I almost thought we were in Italia a few times. After dinner we walked to Sequoia for a drink. I barely made it down the brick laid hill in my high heels, but the view was perfect and well worth my feet aching a little. 

After drinks we walked around the fountains that are in the center of bars and restaurants that surround them. It was chic-flick movie romantic. 

Holding my hand Thomas says to me: "What are you thinking?"

I was really thinking "This would be a perfect time for you to kiss me", but because of the conversation we had the previous night I lied and said "I'm just thinking of how nice this is and how wonderful you are. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking a lot of things right now" he said. 

"Like what?" 

"Like this- and with that he took me in his arms and kissed me. 

My stomach dropped, and I couldn't believe what was happening. All I could think was "All these people are watching us! Oh my goodness this means he loves me! I can't believe he is kissing me!" In the excitement I almost couldn't enjoy it because of shear shock. 

Then he looked at me and said, "My Mom always told me 'Thomas save your kisses because a kiss can say a thousand things." And he smiled his perfect white smile with a twinkle in his big blue eyes. 

I almost fainted. 

August 11: I love You 

This little short story is not as cute as the First Kiss story. 

In August Thomas and I decided to take a two week road trip together from Tennessee, Kansas, to Oklahoma, Arkansas, and then back to Tennessee. What an adventure, a tiring whirlwind of hours spent in the car, and days spent with Thomas' family and dearest friends. 

Towards the end of our trip (that we chronicled with a Camcorder) I hurt the top of my foot very badly. The moment it happened I didn't think it would be so bad, but a few hours later it looked as though someone had put half a ping pong under my skin on the top of my right foot. It was painful to walk, and on top of my exhaustion from traveling I was not in the best of spirits. I retreated to his sisters room for some quiet and to get away from everyone to shed a tear or two because I was in so much pain. Thomas found me upstairs, and I just began to cry. While holding me in his arms like a little baby he kissed my tears on my flushed cheeks and said "Ali, I love you. It's been one month since I told you I loved you with a kiss and I have been dying to tell you it out loud."

For the next minute or so we just kept saying it to one another while my foot had its own pulse and my tears were gone. 

October 11: The Proposal 

I came home in October to celebrate my Luli's (Grandmother's) Birthday. All my Aunts were flying in to surprise her, I couldn't be the only one not there. Little did I know that this would be the weekend Thomas would get down on his knee and ask me to be his wife. 

I had been curious as to when it was actually going to happen. I knew he had the ring, from an inside source since we did not go ring shopping together. So on that Saturday I put on the brown dress that I hated, but he loved and we drove to the Metro to go into DC for brunch, our favorite meal. We walked around until we found a quaint, not crowded French Restaurant. Thomas seems to always pick the most perfect places to eat and always orders better than me as well. The orange juice was freshly squeezed, the croissant was as good as the ones I had in Paris, we were both in food heaven. Afterwards we walked to the WWII Memorial, we took off our shoes and dipped our feet in. Thomas kept rushing me, insisting that we had to meet my family at the Washington Memorial. I didn't want to go. I wanted to sit with my feet cooling next to him for the rest of the day. He dragged me across the Mall toward the Monument. As we got closer I could feel his pulse as he was holding my hand. When he hugged me I felt his heart POUNDING. I began to wonder for a second and then thought "No way, he's not going to do it now." As we got closer to the monument Thomas turned me around toward the WWII memorial and made some comment about the view, and as we turned around I looked up at the "Pencil" (as I call it), and there was my family and his friends holding up Gold Letter that said "ALI WILL YOU MARRY ME?" I screamed, as he got down on his knee, pulled out a little blue box with his shaky hands and a grin on his face... I jumped the gun and screamed "YES!" right in his face... then he began his proposal. I wish I could remember more of what he said, but my shock over took me. He placed a beautiful, perfect, 1 carat, Scott Kay engagement ring on my ring finger and stood up, held me tightly and kissed me. 

As my family walked towards us, my sister Libby ran down the hill crying with her camera in hands as she proceeded to hug me tightly and cry in my arms. She was so happy. Everyone hugged us, cameras snapped away, I couldn't stop smiling, either could he. The story does not end here. This was followed by a desert picnic, laughing with friends and family and many pictures. Thomas than pulled me away, and made me think we were going to take a bathroom break. Actually there was a limo waiting for us. As I got in rose pettles were spread, music was playing along with a slideshow with all our pictures. We were taken to Georgetown where we had our first kiss, then after that ANOTHER surprise. Thomas and arranged for us to receive a couples massage! 

All in all it was the most perfect day, more ideal than I could have ever imagined. I felt so loved and taken care of. Thomas always has a way of doing that for me, without even asking he knows what I will love. My day as a Princess was a dream come true. 

Where we are Now: 

I graduated from Belmont University on December 19th. 

We both spent the Holidays apart with our Families. 

New Years was spent with me on pain killers and Thomas taking care of me while I have been recovering from having my tonsils removed. 

We recently decided to change our wedding date and now we have a blank slate, which we both are excited about. Planning for our date of April 11th was becoming incredibly stressful for the both of us, and forcing us to rush through the important things like pre-marital counseling. We can now actually breathe, relax and plan the wedding little by little and concentrate better on one another FIRST. 

I am currently job hunting, among other things, and trying to find my place in the Northern Virginia area. To say the least, its good to see Thomas everyday or at least every other day instead of every three weeks for a short period of time. He is the love of my life, and I am his... we both feel so blessed by one another and by our other relationships with our friends and family. The adventure has finally begun.